Lust, infatuation and love...

Anyone that knows me knows I love a deep conversation or two to get the bottom of numerous topics.
One I constantly try to figure out, or find some explanation for is love. I think you'll find that when you don't have something you'll question it in a better way to understand why you don't have it.

Personally, I am obsessed with the notion of love. Not the the extent where I'm constantly taking any small notion for something that could be love, or constantly searching for it. Having such an obsession with trying to figure it out is actually a bit dangerous in the sense that while I spend so much time wondering about love in it's entirety I may be missing the things that could lead to it, and passing up opportunities and chances that could help me find what I'm wanting so desperately to know.

When love is discussed as an abstract, it most often refers to interpersonal love, something felt by one person for another. Although, you'll also find there is impersonal love, the love of an object, belief, value or goal.

What we're talking about here is interpersonal love, as it is a much more controversial and debateable topic.

There is no true universal definition for love as you'll find that society can dictate definitons on such topics. I suppose the best way to find a definition ourselves is to define what love is not. For example, love is often constrasted with hate and lust, where the former is usually a grey area to most people. You'll find a lot of people in a stage of lust or infatuation disguise these feelings as love.

Specifically speaking, these three stages are lust, infatuation and love. It doesn't always work that these will lead to love, or appear in such an order. But you'll usually find that the two former stages will be experienced by many, who in fact believe they're experiencing the latter. As someone who is a constant observer to her friend's relationships and flings, you start to see that the supposed 3 stages of love are actually quite true.

Lust.
Since we're talking on the topic of love, i'll disregard the other definitions for lust (blood lust, a lust for power etc) and focus on sexual lust. This is often confused with love, especially in the phrase, "It was love at first sight". Lust is an intense desire for another person, a craving, and often is diminished after this desire has been consumated. The Greek word which translates as lust is epithymia (επιθυμια), which also is translated into English as "to covet".

Infatuation.
This is the stage you'll find at the beginning of a new relationship, most often when you're told after 2 weeks that the person in said relationship is "in love". Infatuation generally only will last a little while, and is the state of being completely and utterly carried away by unreasoning passion and addiction. It is characterized by urgency, intensity, sexual desire and anxiety where one or both counterparts are absorbed in one another. This is where you'll find a lot of other friendships can break down, as the person in a state of infatuation can reject friends and family who don't agree with their opinions on the person they are seeing. When said person can see no wrong in the person they are seeing, this is mostly always infatuation.

Love.
Love really comes down to personal opinion. In my opinion, love is when a person can drive you absolutely crazy, and you still see their flaws but in the end it doesn't matter. You know you will be willing to do anything for this person, and will always be there for them through both the good times and the bad. Those in love will generally fight for it, even if they don't necessarily agree with everything that their other half does.

I'm leaving this one open to interpretation. I realise it is a touchy subject and many of you might not have experienced love before, but still what is your opinion on it? What do you believe love is?

Love, we chase it all our lives, watch it in movie theatres, listen about it in songs...But what does it really mean to love and be loved?

A happily ever after ending as we've been brought up to believe is the ending of "true love" is bullshit. Love hurts, love is rough, it is unrelenting and will tear you down in seconds.

So how can such a powerful and threatening thing be so desired amougst society?

Experiencing "Love" on a mutual level is what makes us desire it. The feeling of true equality with someone, pure trust and comfortableness with them. The ability to be who you are - despite any insecurities around some other person and trust in them to accept you. The strongest connection persuaded mostly by the affection held for the other. Love is unconditional completeness, forgiveness and understanding between individuals.

This is love in its purest form. However society in all its talents has managed to fuckup our view of what love is.

It has transformed love from a pure power into a lustful and disturbed act centered all around sex.

Now whilst sex can be apart of love, it is NOT the be all and end all.

If you look at what love is above you can see how it is related into all forms of love:

There is "AGAPE" love, is deep, intimate and selfless love, such as love by choice between friends and family and long term relationship partners.

There is "PHILEO" love, which is the casual and friendly type of love such as love for being around people and items, such as "I love (insert TV show)" or "I love hanging out with my friends".

There is "STORGE " Which is family or natural love, such as love for your mother and or father, not by choice.

And last is "EROS" Which is romantic love, which includes physical attraction and desire.

Thus only ONE type of love contains the thing that society hinges love on today, showing exactly how fucked our views on love are.

Real Love needs many contributions between those involved to work, Compassion, Care, Trust, Commitment, Understanding and Acception. And Real love between couples needs Agape as much if not more than Eros.





Wrote that a while ago. I still think its fair valid to myself.

nice contribution. i wasn't aware of the other names for different types of love, i've always known them as interpersonal, impersonal, platonic and romantic.

i think we're essentially on the same page about it all though.

i can't stand it when people tell me after 2 weeks that they're in love, and won't listen to reason.

*agrees* Hell, im in highschool, their always apparently in love before they started even dating. 0_o

and yeah; teh names are from ancient roman history. (wow mum, going to a catholic school really did give me extra USEFUL knowledge.... )

due to this thread and the fact i was watching 'The Wedding Singer' I am now sitting here singing 'Love stinks'
Thanks girls lol

Jake wrote:due to this thread and the fact i was watching 'The Wedding Singer' I am now sitting here singing 'Love stinks'
Thanks girls lol

Awesome contribution to a profoundly deep thread......
PS my contribution will come later atm i'm studying my arse off for an exam tomorrow which i should own but just want to be sure.....plus i haven't finished all the reports yet.......its gonna come down to the wire......

Daneo wrote:

Jake wrote:due to this thread and the fact i was watching 'The Wedding Singer' I am now sitting here singing 'Love stinks'
Thanks girls lol

Awesome contribution to a profoundly deep thread......
PS my contribution will come later atm i'm studying my arse off for an exam tomorrow which i should own but just want to be sure.....plus i haven't finished all the reports yet.......its gonna come down to the wire......

well fuck off and do it hahaha just kidding, your alright kid

i reckon dane cook has a good idea of what love is:

Dane Cook wrote:When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain... (sigh) "I wasn't invited to this party." But then, once you're IN love, that's like being inside that party, going "Where's my jacket? I wanna get outta here. where's my jacket? I been to this party six years and I wanna see other parties! Where's my jacket. Someone shit on the coats. I think someone shit on, about, or around the coats."

Dane Cook wrote:When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love on like the same day - even Karen the douche bag falls in love! Even retarded people in your neighborhood are getting married on their front lawn as you drive by, "What? The 'tards just got married on their lawn. That's great! I have nobody, and the 'tards just committed to each other for a lifetime of 'tardiness''

DANE COOK WROTE NOTHING!


NOTHING!!!!!@!!~`1

Dane Cook's a dirty liar!

i love lamp.

Sometimes I think love is nothing but an obsession blown well out of proportion...
I don't believe monogamy is in human nature either.
Depressing, isn't it...

Sarah wrote:i love lamp.

DO YOU REALLY LOVE LAMP...OR ARE YOU JUST SAYING THAT?!?

AisahSchmaisah wrote:Sometimes I think love is nothing but an obsession blown well out of proportion...
I don't believe monogamy is in human nature either.
Depressing, isn't it...

humans aren't monogamous. at all. society just dictates we should be, but we're animals, and we were put here to breed, that's it.

the worst part is that humans feel the need and urge for monogamy, but its just not in our nature to do so.

I go through many phases where I believe in love and don't.
I think in reality I go through stages where I don't want to be in love.
I've been in love twice.
One I ended up with one of the best friends I have today. As for the other... lets just say I was so unbelieveably screwed around that there is no describing to how much I hate him (btw don't ask me who it was, you don't know him anyway).

Considering I'm in a pretty debatable/discussive mood about love today I will start by saying I believe in love at first sight. There is a difference between love at first sight and lust at first sight.

Lust at first sight is someone you are attracted to phsycially. Basically someone you wanna knock boots with. They could be an airhead for all you care but they are good eye candy.

Love at first sight on the other hand is when you meet someone/talk to someone for the first time and you see something in them and thier personality that you could love.

I have a tendency to run from love and stop myself from falling into it. But there has been a few occassions in life where i see something in someone that tells me that if I let myself I could fall in love with this person.


... Bring on the discussion?

So wat ur all sayin is im alowed to be a hound doggie and get away with it???? lol

macca wrote:So wat ur all sayin is im alowed to be a hound doggie and get away with it???? lol

You may.

I don't believe in seeing someone and completely falling in love, but yeah I agree that you can meet someone and straight away be drawn to them and you can just know that if you continue seeing that person you're going to end up falling in love with them.
It'd be so nice if "true love" were real. Of course it's not. How can you be made for just ONE person, out of the billions on this earth? And, what if the person you're "made for" happens to die in a freak accident young? Does that mean you are destined to be alone because you're not meant to be with anyone else?
Most days, I don't believe in romantic love. I think it's an obsession and familiarity with one person blown out of proportion. Of course people get obsessed with their partners. People somehow believe that it's in human nature to spend the rest of their lives with just one person, so they force themselves upon that one person and even if there's a lot of things they dont like about that person they think "I just have to accept them for who they are" No you don't! If you don't like someones company, how the hell are you gunna spend the rest of your life with them? Men and women are farrr too different to be made to live together forever. They are made to breed together, because they have the matching parts. That's it. I've been "in love" three times. How is it that three years ago, I was seriously convinced I was going to marry my boyfriend at the time.. yet now, I have a completely different boyfriend who I feel the same way about and I don't even think about the one I once wanted to have kids with and all that crap. It's hard to take in right now, but I actually CAN live without a boyfriend. I'm very attached to him, but I've gotten over people I've been attached to before and I can do it again. Everyone can. People say they "can't live" without someone. That is NOT true! That's just insane.
Today is one of my "love isn't real" days (obviously). Whatever we do feel for people is something special and valuable, but I'm just not sure what to call it.

i cant really add to this cause i havent "been in love " before

It's not always that fantastic.

kinda found that out...but there is allways someone out there lookin for the right person i suppose

I don't believe there ever is the "right" person either. People are just too different. No matter who you're with, they're always going to upset you. They're always going to disagree wth you. Some more than others of course, but I guess everyones looking for that person who makes them happy 24/7. Unfotunately that person doesn't exist.. It's crazy how emotions can screw with your mind and fuck with your ability to think clearly, logically and rationally.

not everyone finds a person to be with..some go through life without a partner

That's the way it's meant to be, truthfully.. We're here to reproduce and that's it. If we were meant for monogamy, people wouldn't cheat, fall out of love, treat their partners like crap. It would be so much easier.